Tuesday, October 25, 2011

When a shoebox kept me sane.

Like I mentioned previously, by August this military girlfriend stuff was a breeze. But when September came rolling around, I was a nervous, antsy, excited, irritated, terrified, agitated, delighted, giddy, mess. I didn't know which way was up. If you have ever known someone who is in the military you understand how much people talk about how different your loved one will be after basic training no matter what branch they are a part of. With this being pounded into your cranium for three months straight, you can hopefully understand why I was so apprehensive to see Him again. Every night my brain kept me up playing the damn "What If" game. You know which one I'm talking about. The beloved game in which your mind tortures you and makes you think about the absolute worst possible scenarios. Yeah. I played that game the entire month. "What if they convinced Him he doesn't want me anymore? What if he, 'wants to focus on just his career'? What if he decides that I'm not worth it? What if he doesn't have the same sense of humor? What if...? What if...? What if...?" I remember the night before I left to see him graduate in California, I was a freaking strung out mess. I could not keep it together if my life depended on it. I finally reached the point to where I was hyperventilating. Tears poured from my eyes without my permission, and I was rocking back and forth on the edge of my bed trying to pull myself together. About five minutes into my rocking chair routine, a pink Sketchers box caught my attention. It was the box I had lovingly placed every single letter I had received from Him in the past three months. It was, (in that moment) my saving grace. I probably spent an hour re-reading every single heartfelt letter that boy wrote me, and when I finished, I knew everything was going to be more than okay. I felt warm and at peace for the first time in a long time. I placed the box on my dresser, and took a deep breath. I smiled to myself when I realized how ridiculous my meltdown was, but I mostly smiled because I knew that this time Thursday, I would be giving my newly graduated Marine a hug, and further more, because I knew that he and I would carry on, as if never separated in the first place.

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